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I have a rockstar crush.. I haven't had one of those since highschool! Wtf?!

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I am sitting in mikey's car crusing like old times. Only I don't feel happy at all. You'd think reliving something that made me happy would bring back the emotion as well. I am honestly shocked that it doesn't. Right now I burst at the seems just to tell some one, anyone about the emotions that are flooding my heart.

Like you I've always been the one to want to fix everything. I have always wanted to walk the battle riddled with my own wounds. Just to tell you I have the strength to live through it. I have come to realize that I don't give up easily. I only fear that others have given up on me. And it's days like that where I could never feel more hollow.

What is it exactly I am fighting for? Life? A place in this world? A future? I have already started to feel that this world has left me behind and not even a quarter of my life has gone by.

'if I can't feel, I'm not mine. I'm not real.'

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I am sitting here watching signs in my living room. This is such a good movie. Aside from the end. Any way, today was a good day. The weather was beautiful so I decited to wear a sun dress. I went into work with Abe to get my check. Ended up turning a lot of heads while I was there too. I think it was most likely the dress. My pay check was pathetic. I really cannot wait until I start working more again.. I found out I get paid again before rent is due. I also have a lot more hours coming than before. Which will help.

After stopping by work Abe and I went out to apple valley to cash my check. As we were walking into wal mart I had this odd feeling that I was going to see Amber and derek. I am not sure why... But right when we walked in they were right there. It happened so fast that I almost walked past them. I didn't really have enough time to react. When I turned I was so happy to see her that I gave her a huge hug. I really wanted her to come hang out with me but the day took a different course. I cashed my check and walked back to meet Abe in the electronics department. He was talking to matt quite a bit. All I kept thinking about was how uncomfortable my feet were so I went to look at shoes. I found the most comfortable pair of sandels for 17$. Which made me very happy. We then left to eat and went to half price books. Probably one of my favorite stores of all time :) I spent 40 bucks on books. It was amazing.

While I was looking at my books Nicky called to ask me a question. Before she could tell em I mentioned that I was in apple valley. She asked that Abe and I come over. I was very excited for the idea. So we stopped by and hung out for an hour or two. I had never seen her house before. I got to pet her bunnies and be highly amused that she had a rainbow penis plushie. Hahaha... I have been very excited since she told me about her engagement :) but today she asked of I would be in the wedding. Needless to say I am very thrilled and honnered. She is the first person to ask me that ever. When brian got engaged her just said,' you're my sister and I want you in the wedding.' I guess it's a little different..

I am sorry my entires are so scattered. I guess it's just a good thing that I am writing again. Even if I am too lazy to go type it up in my room and am using my phone again. Hahaha...

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

I am sitting here watching signs in my living room. This is such a good movie. Aside from the end. Any way, today was a good day. The weather was beautiful so I decited to wear a sun dress. I went into work with Abe to get my check. Ended up turning a lot of heads while I was there too. I think it was most likely the dress. My pay check was pathetic. I really cannot wait until I start working more again.. I found out I get paid again before rent is due. I also have a lot more hours coming than before. Which will help.

After stopping by work Abe and I went out to apple valley to cash my check. As we were walking into wal mart I had this odd feeling that I was going to see Amber and derek. I am not sure why... But right when we walked in they were right there. It happened so fast that I almost walked past them. I didn't really have enough time to react. When I turned I was so happy to see her that I gave her a huge hug. I really wanted her to come hang out with me but the day took a different course. I cashed my check and walked back to meet Abe in the electronics department. He was talking to matt quite a bit. All I kept thinking about was how uncomfortable my feet were so I went to look at shoes. I found the most comfortable pair of sandels for 17$. Which made me very happy. We then left to eat and went to half price books. Probably one of my favorite stores of all time :) I spent 40 bucks on books. It was amazing.

While I was looking at my books Nicky called to ask me a question. Before she could tell em I mentioned that I was in apple valley. She asked that Abe and I come over. I was very excited for the idea. So we stopped by and hung out for an hour or two. I had never seen her house before. I got to pet her bunnies and be highly amused that she had a rainbow penis plushie. Hahaha... I have been very excited since she told me about her engagement :) but today she asked of I would be in the wedding. Needless to say I am very thrilled and honnered. She is the first person to ask me that ever. When brian got engaged her just said,' you're my sister and I want you in the wedding.' I guess it's a little different..

I am sorry my entires are so scattered. I guess it's just a good thing that I am writing again. Even if I am too lazy to go type it up in my room and am using my phone again. Hahaha...

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After class this morning I decited to go on adventure to the mall. I spent most of it wondering around aimlessly looking at clothing. I actually almost bought this beautiful pink kimono. It was only 15$! A very good buy. But I was unsure... So I ventured down to barnes and noble to try and call Abe again. I called him back at 2:30 and he said he wanted to sleep until 3. Come 4:00 I get a text saying he just woke up and he's on his way here. Which was a half an hour ago now. Lazy boy... Ugh.

So I decided to look at my favorite section and grab some coffee. I found a book on handfasting for 10$ that I picked up. A few days ago Nicky asked me if I wouldn't mind helping out with her wedding. I got pretty excited about it :) besides, this book will help me figure out some little details of my wedding. When the time comes of course.

I love coming here and just reading and relaxing. It's a amazing. There is a girl here who works in the coffee shop. She's wiccan. She actually has my same necklace.. I really want to say something to her, but I am being my usual shy self...

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the things I do and what makes me myself... This semester in school has been so bad I am honestly ashamed. I know a lit of it is out of my hands. Getting sick, my grandfather's passing, dealing with everything else. I just wish I tried harder. Achedemically, this semester was so easy. It was nothing but papers, reading and drawings. I just hardly showed up to my classes. I feel terrible because my thirst for knowledge and to improve myself is hardly even quenched. Then again, will it ever be? I keep wanting to do more with myself. With the coming of summer I feel more inclined to my religion. I I feel like durring the winter I don't want to practice magick.

I'd love to say more but Abe is finally here. I'll update tonight. Can I just say that I love my iPhone? :D

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